So, I was listening to this great dharma talk last night, from Bhikku Bodhi about rebirth and karma. The description was how our stream of consciousness is like a candle flame. Every moment is different, but still adds to the overall flow of our personal karma; just like a flame can transfer from candle to candle. Even though it's still one candle, every moment is a different piece of wick, part of wax, molecule of air burning from the flame. Yet, its still the same candle, the same as we have our stream of consciousness transfers from body to body, and we take with us the memory and karma attached to our consciousness.
So, over the past few months I have gone through a bit of an existential crisis, feeling the pull back to the Christianity that was thrust upon me as a child. As I have made it through this ordeal, I feel like I should make some kind of analysis for reference.

One of the first things that came about was a longing for the community aspect of Christianity. As the largest religion in western culture, everywhere you go there is a Christian community. And after posting on some forums, it seems as though this is one of the big things that does indeed happen with western practitioners for Buddhism. Because it may be hard to find a center nearby, or the closest Buddhist community may be very different culturally, many people here in the west want to go back to that which is most comfortable.

The other big issue, is that whether you believe of not, from a young age, you were told about going to hell. So very deeply ingrained, and even more so in those of us raised Catholic, is this subconscious nagging, almost like a post hypnotic suggestion. It may be hard for many to grasp, but this is much more difficult to deal with than many could ever imagine.

Thankfully, I seem to have made it through all of this with nothing more than a few minor bumps and bruises, metaphorically speaking. It really helped when some ignorant preacher talked about how those who don't follow Christ are actually following demons. What a joke.